Parenting—Nurture & Admonition

Christians are commanded to bring their children up in the nurture (the whole spiritual and physical training and education of future children of God) and admonition (repeated counsel or warning against sin) of the Lord. Yet, so many Christian parents are raising rebellious children; they are raising teens and young adults who are full of wrath; they are raising children who depart from serving the Lord. "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Often the worse offenders are children of preachers: this is such a common occurrence that there is even a popular phrase, which is often used pejoratively or stereotypically, for these children—preacher's kids. Preacher's kids tend not to be "faithful children not accused of riot or unruly" (Titus 1:6); rather, "they are a very froward generation, children in whom is no faith" (Deuteronomy 32:20). We know that children will invariably grow up to do those things that they were trained to do, explicitly or implicitly (via judgment), by their parents and other strong influencers during their developing years. Does this mean that Christian parents do not understand "the terror of the Lord" (2 Corinthians 5:11)? Are they blatantly ignoring the Word of God to go after the ways of the world? "Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God" (James 4:4). If Christian parents are enemies of God, is it any wonder that their children follow suit? "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children" (Hosea 4:6). Unfortunately many Christian parents are not walking in righteousness (Luke 1:6; Isaiah 33:14-16) nor have they studied parenting from the Lord's perspective. As a result, they fall back on how they were raised or on what the world advocates as good parenting. Good parenting in the Lord requires parents, not the church, to prepare their children to love and serve the Lord (1 Timothy 3:4-5). Good parenting elicits the following commendation from the Lord: "For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him" (Genesis 18:19). In essence, Christian parents are "surrogate" parents: they are chosen by God to serve as spiritual representatives to the child (1 Peter 5:2-3). Given that the "age of reason" begins at age eight, which is the age when a child's sins begin to be imputed to their account (Deuteronomy 1:39); Christian parents are to prepare their children for life with God the Father.

Gather the people together, men and women, and children, and thy stranger that is within thy gates, that they may hear, and that they may learn, and fear the LORD your God, and observe to do all the words of this law: And that their children, which have not known any thing, may hear, and learn to fear the LORD your God, as long as ye live in the land whither ye go over Jordan to possess it. (Deuteronomy 31:12-13)

Christian parents are to teach their children the Word of God: "Train up a child in the way [Jesus] he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). "And ye shall teach [the Word of God to] your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up" (Deuteronomy 11:19). "That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments" (Psalm 78:6-7). The Word of God will serve as bedrock for all the worldly knowledge they receive in most schools and society in general. All children of Christian parents should have the entire Bible read by age thirteen (start them in the New Testament and conclude in the Old Testament reading at least one chapter a day beginning after their eighth birthday or earlier. This will get all 1,189 chapters read in three years and three months. Alternatively, read five chapters a week over the course of four years and thirty months. Initially, parents should do the reading out loud to set the example). Parents should encourage this with reading comprehension tests and discussions to stimulate interest. Ultimately, children will have to be born again themselves to truly get the understanding from God's word. Notwithstanding, the knowledge of God's word as a decision-making tool will be a boon to these children who are about to enter the "dreaded" teenage years. Beyond teaching children the Word of God, the Bible is a great tool for teaching grammar, pronunciation, definitions, analysis and synthesis, punctuation, etc. Of course, nothing teaches a child better than seeing Christ lived out in their parents: "For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps" (1 Peter 2:21). "A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children's children: and the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the just" (Proverbs 13:22). Christian parents by teaching and living the Word of God leave an inheritance in the Lord to their children and the forthcoming generations. "To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith" (Acts 26:18). "As for me, this is my covenant with them, saith the LORD; My spirit that is upon thee, and my words which I have put in thy mouth, shall not depart out of thy mouth, nor out of the mouth of thy seed, nor out of the mouth of thy seed's seed, saith the LORD, from henceforth and for ever" (Isaiah 59:21).

Pride

Aaron Clark exposes the issue of pride in parenting:

Due to the toxic fallout of pride, many Christian homes have lost their children to the influence of evil. Because pride can be so inconspicuously present, it usually leaves both friends and family wondering what happened. But it is very difficult to speak on pride without touching its root, which is fear. If you look at the definition of pride, which is "inordinate self esteem," and the things we do out of fear, it's easy to see the relation. Fear is the opposite of faith and is always supported by a lie. In faith, I esteem God highly and I'm motivated by what He says is the answer. In fear, I esteem myself highly and I'm motivated by what I say is the answer. In fear, I must act opposite to God to exalt the one I esteem highly—which is me. In faith, I must act in harmony with Jesus to exalt the One I esteem highly—which is God.

The epitome of pride is man glorifying his own image; not the image of Jesus. The image of Jesus Christ is what we are to exhibit and esteem highly (Romans 8:29) ... So, it is in esteeming our own image over the image of Jesus Christ that acts of pride are born ...

Acts of pride are used in an attempt to escape what we fear may become of our own image; not the image of Jesus Christ in us. Wrath, anger, and contention are all acts of pride. Pride is rooted in fear and fear is always holding hands with a lie. For example, if I fear shame or embarrassment from the foolish things that are bound in the heart of every child, what are the lies associated with my fears? Lie number one is that because we go to church and we have bible study and prayer at home, there should be no foolishness in my child's heart. Lie number two is I will be ashamed if I follow the Lord. So in believing that my child shouldn't be acting foolish and in fearing that they're going to disgrace the family, I get angry—very angry. Now I must turn to my own means to uphold my own image. Now acts of my pride will leave no room for mistakes or just simple correction; instead it will make me wrathful and merciless over things that are insignificant to my child's spiritual health. If my child isn't exceptional among their peers, I will constantly compare them to their peers; either consciously or unconsciously; subtly telling them that they're not good enough. What's the lie? You're not acceptable unless you're like everyone else and Jesus can't do anything with your two little fish and five loaves!

Pride will cause you to control your child rather than teach them self-control, constantly expressing disapproval, and demanding them to do things your way. Pride will cause you to be mean, dry, manipulative, wrathful, and sarcastic; all in an attempt to escape what you think the child will do to your image. Pride distorts the gospel and causes all interaction with your child to be overshadowed by the fear it's rooted in."²⁶³

Lordship

Christian parents often resort to lordship as their mode of parenting. God's Word, however, dictates: "Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind; Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being examples to the flock" (1 Peter 5:2-3). These parents say things like: "do what I say" or "I'm the adult, you're the child" or "do it because I said so." They should keep in mind that "the law worketh wrath: for where no law is, there is no transgression" (Romans 4:15); and "The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law" (1 Corinthians 15:56). Notice in the Old Testament, the law was given without much explanation. When we as parents remove God's gift of choice from our children, we render them under the law and provoke them to wrath. We see in the New Testament that though Jesus' disciples had many questions, Jesus took the time to explain.

And when he was come into the house, his disciples asked him privately, Why could not we cast him out? And he said unto them, This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting. (Mark 9:28-29)

And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. (Mark 10:10-12)

And his disciples asked him, saying, What might this parable be? And he said, Unto you it is given to know the mysteries of the kingdom of God: but to others in parables; that seeing they might not see, and hearing they might not understand. Now the parable is this ... (Luke 8:9-11)

Further, we see that he does not berate them, but, rather, is patient with them. "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). The freedom we received by the shed blood of Jesus has to be shared with others, especially our children. "Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty" (2 Corinthians 3:17). "Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage" (Galatians 5:1). Most importantly, we must share the Word of God with our children so that they will desire to know God and Jesus Christ whom he sent.

And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates. (Deuteronomy 6:6-9)

Hypocrisy

Another area in which Christians parents provoke their children to wrath is hypocrisy. Parents that do not bring their actions into line with their words cause their children to enter into judgment (sin). "The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him" (Proverbs 20:7). Christian parents never say, "Do as I say, not as I do." Children are very keen observers of their parents and are often first to see the lack of truth in their parents' manner of life (see "The Principality of Hypocrisy"). The children's judgment opens the door to distrust of authority. This distrust will invariably cause them not to build a relationship with our heavenly Father through Jesus Christ; rather, they will tend to question the Word of God and have doubts about its validity. One of the easy ways hypocrisy is conveyed to your children is to utilize empty threats: "You better not do xyz or I'll spank you!" Invariably, children will do xyz and many parents do not carry through with the threat. Over time, children get used to authority figures not fulfilling promises. Therefore, when it comes to the promises of God, children, even when they become adults, will automatically not trust God (see "The Principality of Tradition"). They will require God to give them signs again and again and again, not recognizing that "a wicked and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign" (Matthew 16:4).

Indulgence

Indulgent parents may well be the most insidious parenting style that leads children to worship self (individualism and self-assertiveness) not worship God (self-denial). "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. ... Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul" (Proverbs 29:15, 17). These parents "are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation."²⁶⁴ These parents have judged God has being too harsh and his commands as being too oppressive. They are intent on relaxing God's rules in order to produce what they falsely consider better-adapted children. The reality is that "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" (Proverbs 22:15; see also "The Principality of Disobedience" and "The Principality of Lying"). Thus, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24). For "thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell" (Proverbs 23:13-14). In reality, they produce children that are more likely to be involved in problem behaviors (sin) and perform less well in school and life. Boundaries are set for the child by the instructions of the parents; however, it is chastisement that solidifies those boundaries. Without chastisement, children will go astray "Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil" (Ecclesiastes 8:11). Children brought up without respect for authority enforced through example, instruction, and chastisement will often grow into being renegades (see "The Principality of Entrepreneurship"). The popular quote, "rules are meant to be broken," often becomes the mantra of these children. Therefore, "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying" (Proverbs 19:18).

Parental Inversion